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What Even Is Borderline Personality Disorder? (BPD 101)

  • Writer: Bailey Tessendorf
    Bailey Tessendorf
  • May 5
  • 2 min read

Updated: May 30

Hey there! I'm kicking off this blog by talking about something that's shaped a big part of my life - Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD). If you've never heard of it, or only know what the movies or TikTok say (yikes), don't worry - I'm here to break it down in real, human terms.



So... What Is BPD?

BPD is a mental health condition that affects how we handle emotions, and even our own sense of self. It can feel like you're stuck on an emotional rollercoaster with no brakes - one minute you're okay, the next you're spiraling, and you're not even sure why.


Common struggles include:

  • Intense mood swings

  • Fear of being abandoned (even over tiny things)

  • Not really knowing who you are

  • Acting impulsively when emotions take over


It's not about being "crazy" or manipulative. It's about being overwhelmed - and not having the tools to manage it. But the good news? Those tools exist. Therapy (especially DBT) changes lives - I'm living proof.


How Does Someone Get BPD?

There's no one-size-fits-all answer, but here's what experts believe usually plays a role:

  • Genetics - Sometimes it runs in families.

  • Brain wiring - Some people with BPD have differences in how their brain handles emotions and control.

  • Life experiences - A lot of us with BPD had tough childhoods. That could mean trauma, neglect, or just not having our emotions taken seriously.


One theory I really relate to is Linehan's Biosocial Theory. It basically says: imagine you're super sensitive (like, emotionally allergic to everything), and you grow up in an environment that constantly tells you your feelings are wrong or "too much." That combo creates the perfect storm for BPD.


The 4 "Flavors" of BPD

Everyone's experience with BPD is different, but psychologist Theodore Millon came up with 4 subtypes that help explain some of those differences. You might see yourself in one, or in a mix (I definitely do).


  1. Discouraged (or Quiet) Borderline

    • People-pleaser

    • Struggles with low self-esteem

    • Bottles up anger until it explodes or turns inward

    • Feels lost without others' approval

  2. Impulsive Borderline

    • Super fun but also super reckless

    • Gets bored easily

    • Acts fast (and sometimes regrets it later)

    • Big emotions, big reactions

  3. Petulant Borderline

    • Can get moody, frustrated, or snappy

    • Push-pull in relationships ("Come here - but not too close")

    • Fears rejection and being misunderstood

    • Sometimes lashes out when feeling hurt

  4. Self-Destructive Borderline

    • Struggles with self-worth

    • May self-harm or sabotage things that are going well

    • Feels shame deeply

    • Pushes people away before they can leave first


Important: These aren't boxes to get stuck in. They're just ways to better understand yourself. Your BPD might not look exactly like mine - and that's okay.


TL;DR

BPD is real, it's hard, and it's treatable. You're not broken, dramatic, or doomed. With the right support, you can build a life that feels stable, successful, and even joyful. I'll be sharing how I've done just that - as a woman with BPD, a mom, a wife, and a full-on #bossbabe who never thought I'd make it this far.


Thanks for being here. I’m rooting for you. 💛

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