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A Father's Day Without My Dad

  • Writer: Bailey Tessendorf
    Bailey Tessendorf
  • Jun 13
  • 3 min read

Father's Day hit different now.


In 2022, I lost my dad. It was sudden, shocking, and something I still haven't really "moved on" from. He was driving home when we believe he had a heart attack behind the wheel. His truck flipped and landed in a ditch. I still remember my reaction when my (now) husband had to break the news to me.


With BPD, everything we fell is a lot. It's not just grief - it's all-consuming. Even now, three years later, it sometimes hits me like it just happened. I'll hear a song, pass a place we used to go, or need his advice...and it's like the grief restarts.


The days after his death were a blur. I had lost 35 pounds without even noticing. I remember doing a final fitting for my wedding dress, and the strapless gown barely fit - not because I'd tried to lose weight, but because the grief had physically taken a toll on me. And even on one of the biggest days of my life, it felt wrong without him there to walk me down the aisle. I smiled, I got through it, but it took everything in me not to break down.


The last time my dad talked to my (now) husband, he asked for his blessing to marry me. That memory means everything. I used to fear that if my marriage ever failed, I wouldn't get married again because I didn't want to marry someone without my dad's blessing. That's how much he meant to me.


After he passed, I struggled deeply. I had intrusive thoughts while driving. I feared losing control of my car, the same way he may have. It was terrifying - especially whenever I had my kiddo in the backseat. And honestly? Some days, the only reason I stayed here was for my mom and my little girl. I kept thinking, They still need me. That thought kept me grounded when nothing else could.


And while that's heavy to admit, I know someone out there needs to hear it.


If You're Grieving This Father's Day...

If your dad's no longer here, I just want to say - you're not alone.


Grief doesn't follow a timeline. It doesn't check a calendar and say "Oh, it's been 3 years, you should be done now." Some days, the loss is quiet. Other days, it knocks the wind out of you.


But here's what I've learned:

  • It's okay to cry. It's okay to still cry.

  • You don't have to be "over it" to move forward.

  • Healing doesn't mean forgetting.

  • You can carry your person with you, even while building a life without them.


This Father's Day, I'll be missing my dad. I'll probably cry. I might even laugh too, remembering something stupid he did. That's the kind of grief I live with now - still painful, but also full of love.


If you're grieving this weekend, take care of your heart. Cancel plans if you need to. Make space for your feelings. Remember, you're allowed to grieve and still be proud of how far you've come.


ree

Gentle Reminder & Resources for Grief


Here are a few things that helped me and might help you too:

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