Let's Talk About the "Favorite Person" Thing

If you have BPD, or know someone who does, you may have heard the term Favorite Person - or "FP" for short. And no, it doesn't mean we just have a crush on someone or that we're being cute. It's... a lot deeper (and more complicated) than that.

So what is a Favorite Person?

Basically, it's the person we attach to the hardest. The one person we feel the safest with, the most connected to, and - if we're being totally honest - sometimes completely emotionally dependent on.

They become our anchor. Our everything.

And when we're not okay with them, we're just... not okay.

What It Feels Like to Have an FP

For me, having a Favorite Person felt kind of like this:

• Their attention could lift me out of the darkest place... or send me spiraling

• I wanted to talk to them constantly. And when I didn't hear back? Instant panic.

• I tried to read their every mood, just to make sure they weren't upset with me.

• If they were busy or pulled back even a little, I'd feel abandoned - even if they weren't actually leaving.

The highs were amazing. I felt seen, loved, even adored. But the lows? They were brutal. It was like all my self-worth got tangled up in this one person.

Why Does This Happen?

People with BPD often grown up without stable emotional connections. So when we find someone who feels safe, kind, warm, or consistently there, we grab onto them like a life raft. It's not about manipulation or being dramatic - it's a survival response.

We're constantly afraid of being left. So when we find someone who makes us feel like we're finally not alone, we want to keep that feeling at all costs.

But here's the thing...

It's Not Healthy - And It's Not Their Job

As much as we want someone to be our emotional everything, it's not fair to them - or to us. One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn (and am still learning, honestly) is that no one else can be responsible for regulating my emotions. That's on me. That's my work in therapy. that's where mindfulness, boundaries, and DBT skills come in.

It doesn't mean I can't love deeply or feel connected to people. But it does mean I'm learning to hold on without clinging. To love without losing myself. To be okay, even when they're not available.

If You're Someone's FP...

Please know: we're not trying to make you feel trapped or pressured. We're just terrified of being abandoned(or hurt), and we're trying (in the only way we know how) to feel safe. You don't have to be everything - we're learning how to be that for ourselves.